Time to get back on the wagon

In more ways than one!  I hate that I start new things like blogging and then just give them up because I am too lazy to put in the effort.  So here goes trying again.

In conjunction I am trying to get back on the diet/ healthy lifestyle wagon again.  I am for the most part given up soda.  Maybe have 1 or 2 a week but only diet.  Which compared to multiple Dr. Pepper's a day is a great leap forward.

I had really just stopped trying.  Between working 60ish hours of night shifts a week and taking 2 classes it just seemed too much.  But I finally one day got back on the scale to be horrified.  I knew my clothes felt tighter but it was worse than I had imagined.  Not only have I gained back all I ever lost a couple years ago I got to 9 lbs over my highest weight.

So with my schedule I am giving the slim fast plan a try.  And so far its good.  I can grab a meal bar before class and a snack to have during then make a good meal when I get home.  And then drink a shake when I get off work and just want to go to bed.  Almost a week in and I am down 4lbs. 

Hopefully this proves to be something I can stick with!

As for school all is well there.  I enjoy the material and am pulling an A at present in both classes.

Going to do my best to make this a weekly update at least concerning the weight loss journey.  Even if I am the only one who sees it there is a bit of accountability involved and gives me something to look back at later.

Scary thought...

I found out today at the head of our respiratory therapy department died.  She lived alone and after she didn't show up for work 2 days in a row one of the people at the hospital called her brother who went to her place and found her.  I don't know any details about how she died.

But it just brings a scary thought to mind.  Living alone that could easily be me.  When you don't have a significant other or roommate or kids really how long would it take for someone to realize you were missing.  Yeah work would be mad when you didn't show up but it would take a few shifts before they thought something was wrong.  Really there is no one that I talk to every day that would notice right away.

Not really anything I can do to change it at present.  But it is just a sad thought to have.

Focus on the positive!

My diet might still be going total shite, but school is going well!  I just finished the 3rd week and it's only an 8 week course. I have gotten all my assignments in on time and based on the others I have read (we have to make comments on at least 2 other student's) what I am turning in is pretty damn good.  And I took my first test this week and got 96%.  I am quite pleased with myself and can only hope over the summer when I have to go to actual class and my load is harder that I continue to be motivated and do as well.

All bad

Well if last week was only half bad this week in terms of diet anyway was like 200% bad.  I fell off after 1 day and then just ate bad food and too much of it the rest of the week.  I know I gained but because the last few days my sleep schedule has been so off I don't even want to weight myself yet knowing that will just make it worse.

Today I did alright.  Not really good but not bad.  I need to get back to cooking more.  Anything I make at home will always be better than what I eat when I am out.  But that means getting my schedule more under control.  Because I eat out when I am lacking sleep and then don't get up early enough before work to make anything.  Sigh... really always the same problems over and over again.  I wish I could find the will power to break the cycle.

Today is Valentine's Day.  Oddly I am less annoyed to be single today than I am many regular days.  It probably has to do with the guy I met at work this past week.  Cue rant...

It seems I am doomed to only attract men I am not attracted to at all.  When I was on the psych unit a couple weeks back I chatted a bunch with one of the aides who was super helpful.  I ran into him last Wednesday on the way into work and he asked for my number.  I figured no harm in giving it to him.  When I had met him I didn't think of him like that but he was nice and it always feels good to have someone like you.  Man did that quickly go down hill.  He started texting me at work.  Now his unit at night there is nothing to do.  Mine is not like that.  I answered him that I would be busy until after med pass.  And 3 times in the next 2 hours he texted to see if I was still passing meds.  When I finally answered him we chatted a bit back and forth and he came across so patronizing.  Basically when I told him how busy I am because I have to work 2 jobs and am doing school he asked if I should be doing that much.  Shouldn't I give up school if I have to work that much or find another way.  Hi... we just met.  You don't know me at all or what I can handle.  That night I had a very sick patient so I finally texted saying I was really busy and I would get back to him when I had time.  In the next 3 hours I got like 5 more texts.  I was busy and just ignored them.  At the beginning when he was coming off kinda like my mom felt the need to look after me I had thought if he ask me out I will go at least once.  But by the time I got off about 45 min late and saw he sent a text asking if I made it home safe (hello I live 5 miles from the damn hospital and am not 15) I was done.  So the next few days when he would ask if I had time to go out with him I just kept saying how busy I was with work and school hoping he would take the hint.  He did not.  Instead he started sounding very annoyed that I would not make time for him.  This kept on until Saturday night.  At work I was just dead tired.  I had worked Friday night then drove down to SD to meet up with friends I haven't seen in over a year.  This resulted in being back at work with no sleep.  So I ignored him all night.  He sent at least 10 texts.  So last night at work after a few more texts I finally just replied that I was flattered he liked me and I was happy to chat with him when we were both at work but that I didn't have the time or desire for anything more.  His response came about an hour later once it was Feb 14th and said "Happy Valentine's Day Sweetheart."  WTF!!!  But there has been nothing since thank goodness.

As I told my friend the other night at least this was a move in the right direction.  The last guy before him who expressed interest in me was a married guy.  So at least this one was single!

It is odd.  I know I am busy but I feel like I do and would have time for someone if I was really attracted to him.  But I wasn't and so it just felt like an annoying waste of time.  Not to mention the fact that he had terrible grammar and spelling via text which just drives me insane.  Another odd thing I find is that the longer I am single the pickier I am when it comes to men.  I would have thought I would be willing to revise my wishes or standards in order not to be alone.  But that just isn't the case.  The more I watch friends in their relationships the more I find I would rather stay alone than have the types of relationships many of them have.

On a positive note I am still keeping up with my school work.  The course is only 8 weeks so I am 1/4 done and have my first test this week.  Fingers crossed that goes well.

Half good...

So last week I did great.  Up until Thursday.  I went to the see TKS with friends from work and of course decided I needed popcorn even after we ate dinner just before the show.  Then after the movie on the way to work I decided I needed a soda to stay awake and caved for Dr. Pepper (my biggest weakness) instead of diet coke and then got a snack to go with it.  And then every day from there was just bad choices.  It doesn't help that I am on day 21 straight of work.  Even with one job being super easy it still is work and I am ready for a day off. 

But thank goodness the good days seemed to balance it out and I gained less than a half a lb.

Today starts a new week.  I had to turn in my nurses notes for my home care job so when I do that I treat myself to jamba juice.  But I got the regular size which is less than 500 calories and made it my whole meal instead of being weak and getting a scone from the Starbucks next door to go with it.

I needed to go to the post office today.  I drive by it every day on the way home from work so decided since it is gorgeous weather outside to walk.  It is a bit further than I thought and there are like 3 hills on the way.  So in all I walked just over 3.5 miles this morning.  Nothing super fast but enough to get my heart rate up and break a bit of a sweat.

I need to get started on my class reading for the week.  I think to help motivate me to do it I will pop down to the beach and do it there!

And after that I think I will treat myself to Corner Bakery.  My favorite lunch there is half a turkey sandwich with bacon, avocado and tomato with a side ceasar salad.  It is all made with fresh produce and comes it at less than 500 for the whole meal.

Now lets just hope the rest of the week goes as well.

1 week down

Have completed the reading and written and submitted my first weeks assignment for my sociology class.  I am finding the topic more interesting than I thought I would.  This should be very helpful in the remainder of the weeks of the course.  I am quite proud of myself for not backing out and even getting the assignment and required discussion participation finished a whole day early.

Netflix happiness

Just realized netflix has a bunch of exercise dvds that you can not only have sent to you but can do instant streaming.  That is awesome.  I have added a bunch to my cue so I can switch it up between the one I have at home that I like.  It will be nice to be able to try them out without having to spend the money on a workout I may not like.

On a more practical note... I pulled out the biggest loser dvd I have and did it today. :)

Good week...

I had a mostly good week.  I lost just shy of 5 lbs but really that just got me back to where I was when got home from Europe a couple weeks back.  So now the focus this week is droping down below that which was my lowest weight in the past year.

All told from when I started back in 2009 I am now down 23lbs from my heaviest weight.  I figure counting from that starting point will be more motivating.

This week I want to concentrate more on giving up soda again.  I was doing so good without for a while.  I am also on top of walking with Crispin setting a goal to do my a exercise dvd at least 3 times this week and if the weather stays nice maybe throw a bike ride in too.

  But on a plus note I over slept for work tonight so had no time to make dinner.  Had to do a drive through run on the way, but I opened my lose it app on my phone and used it to pick what I would eat before I got there so I would know that I would still be under my calorie limit for the day.

Back to school...

Today my going back to school adventure begins.  I want more than anything to have my RN.  It means better pay, more choice in jobs and just better environment in which to nurse.

However, I am a terrible student.  I am lazy and I hate being in class trying to learn things that I don't feel will ever be useful.  But I am biting the bullet and hoping that this time will be the time I can make it through.

I am starting out slow.  I had signed up for 2 classes that I need to get into the LVN to RN bridge program but after making them move my schedule around at work they changed the time one of the class meets so I will have to push it next semester.  That may be for the best.  Perhaps just taking one class as a way to ease myself in is the way to go.

So I am taking intro to Sociology.  Not because I want to but because it is a pre-req for the nursing program.  Luckily it does not seem so bad.  Its an online course (which does open up the problem of making it easier to ignore the course!) that has 4 tests (1 gets dropped) and 8 short answer assignments.

People at work know that I am starting classes for my RN.  So I am hoping that will help keep me going.  Especially since over the summer when I have to take anatomy and physiology it is just going to get more hectic.

Being a nurse

I became a nurse because I like to help people.  And I know that I do on a daily basis even if like 98% of the time no one acknowledges it and more than half the time they aren't even aware of it.  However with the type of patients I currently take care of a lot of the time I feel much more like I work for a maid service.  No rant about that today... instead a post to remind myself how good it feels when I really get to be a nurse.

Last night I had 2 patients with problems.  One GI related and one urinary.  They weren't emergencies but were causing the patients discomfort and if not taken care of would have become emergencies.  Happily the doctor for both patients is one who trusts his nurses so pretty much just lets us do what we know needs to be done in most situations.  I was also working with a charge nurse who knows me enough to know I am good at my job so when I told her what the problem was and what I wanted to do about it she just let me.  By the end of the shift both problems were fixed and the patients stable and happy and able to avoid more serious or invasive interventions.

The shift was long and exhausting.  But a great reminder of why I really do love what I do.